lessons in brussels

that...

1. finding good friends is obligatory for a healthy mind
2. Being yourself is sometimes the hardest thing to pull off
3. freedom is not just another phrase
4. love is not something that just happens
5. love is something that can just happen
6. beauty is really in the eye of the beerholder: one man's fat is another man's wealth.
7. moleskin books are really for pansies
8. learning another language wont take you to heaven, but it will get you laid
9. getting out is sometimes the hardest part
10. pumps make women look natural

11. sitting on a random corner of a random street in a random city makes no sense, teaches you nothing - but you just might...
12. Opera's are really just exaggerated soap operas. oh.
13. skies cant be rented - even for the european capital
14. some arabs really look like their pets (camels)
15. international cities can really exist...after you colonize Congo

social media's role in highlighting Iran's post election issues

who would you save?

Q: so you're a muslim on a rubber dingy. you know condoms are haraam but this is no ordinary rubber, duffer. you are out at sea. obviously your boat sank or left you when you went to shag a shark, and now you are pretty fucked because you're on this dingy as i said.

the problem is that there are two others drowning in front of you. one is muslim and one is not muslim. but your shitty rubber ding-a-ling can only take one more.

Q. Who do you save? And how would you go about deciding who to save?

A. I will save the non-muslim cos apparently they don't go to heaven.

I encourage "authentic" responses too all those who wish to engage with this question that was ACTUALLY posed. Charming, i'd say.

praising you

Dear Lord,

I thank you for the bounties you have bestowed on me.

But I must admit that feel terribly embarrassed to have in my possession an ass-kicking ruby-red ipod.

Lord, its so awesome; I merely flash it and the Deccan girls raise a leg n reveal matching panties.

I want to assure you that I know that an ordinary mp3 player does the job, and anything else is mere luxury and unnecessary. I am embarrassed, dear Lord, for the vanity of choosing the sexy, saucy shellfish of a pod that does no justice to your cause, makes no difference to anyone's future and only deepens our dependence on shiny things.

I remember reading or hearing at one of the few lectures I have been to - that the holy Prophet - despite his wealth - used to eat dates and not imported prawns from Mozambique. His simplicity was his wealth; his thoughts & actions the real shiny stone.

I don't like to rat people out - and I am not qualified in anyway to report to you - but I really think that those who follow sunnats; flanked by lavish cars, clothes and gadgets are really mocking his ideals of a world where equality should be strived for, where poverty ought to be abolished and where man/woman should stand shoulder to shoulder/breast to breast as one single mass of collective equals.

It makes me angry, dear Lord, when people praise your name for their exclusionary luxury.

They take your name in vain, oh Lord, as they satisfy and quench the seas of their earthly desires.

They qualify such by your grace to afford us aptitude and skill to produce amazing feats, but hold less thought for those who suffer without basic neccesity.

How shalt we praise you with such disregard?!

Lord, I am angry.

The anger makes the ions in my blood seethe into combustible clouds....

I think they can take their beliefs, scarves and miswaks and stick it where the sun don't shine. I am not judging them, Lord. Okay, may be I am, just a little, but I am just saying that they making masti with the logic of your law and whoring it a world of accumulation that has no sizable place in your love.

regards & heavenly praises,
Freelance hero.

what shall i tell my kids

My dear lil munchkin,

1. goldilocks was a bear-ridden ho; but never judge others.

2. be good to others. you never know, they might just win the lottery.

3. dont ever buy a new car.

4. boy: dont always do your homework (keep teachers guessing) exams are bullshit (they dont mean much) and working after 2pm on fridays are haraam (go to to beach)

5. forget about trees in the sky; everyone goes to hell. especially the muslims.

6. be kind for kindness sake - and heaven will surely find you.

7. believe in yourself, put trust in your abilities & walk the beat your heart pines for: the universe will align appropriately.

8. dont rely on spellcheck; they are watching you.

9. love carelessly without expectation; if you must expect, wear a condom.

10. respect grandparents; im cool only cos of 'em.

love, dad.

ps. mothers are always more sure that the kids are theirs. im probably not your father.

why i want to move to swaziland

1. i want to drive for 5 hours on a dirt road and fuck up my car.

2. i want to go on a hill and smoke the real shit; not that toxic, piss-ridden bullshit that car guards sell in florida road.

3. i want to go talk to the King, and borrow some wives for the day.

4. I want to walk to work.

5. I want to live in a beehive hut.

6. I want to raise my children on the good stuff.

7. I want to circumcise the kids each spring.

8. I want to piss in the open.

9. I want to eat sour porridge made of fermented cornmeal and wash it down with cow piss.

10. I want to say I live in Swaziland.

it was...

it was a cluster-fuck.

a royal pudding.

vivacious; sensual; magnetic;

wrong.

a cluster-fuck.

a magnamonious occassion.

exciting; prosporous; cultivating;

energy-sapping.

for:

"the anc should realize they won't be in power until jesus comes"

ah,

a cluster-fuck.



a cluster-fuck.